Wednesday 22 July 2020

Grief Is A Funny Thing

Grief is a funny thing.  Just when you think you have got it under control, it rears up to remind you that pain and hurt are sitting just beneath the surface.

Nobody wants to talk about grief, about the pain of losing someone you love deeply.  It is like, ignore it and they will get over it.  Society expects us to have an initial period of grief and then we should “pick ourselves up” and carry on like normal.

Only life is no longer normal.

It is two years now since I lost my husband of forty-five years.  In the year that followed his death I lost my home, my income dropped dramatically, and I lived at six different addresses as I wandered rather aimlessly around our beautiful country.

I still struggle at times.  Grief can take one unawares – a word someone says, a photo seen, a memory remembered, anything can trigger it off.

Some say time heals, others tell me they still miss their loved one years and years later.  I am learning that it is okay to feel sad sometimes, to accept these emotions as normal and allow myself to feel my way through them.

We all lose people that we love – it is part of life, part of living.  We never forget.  Instead, we learn how to live with our pain as we learn how to live a new different kind of life. 

It is not an easy journey, and, for me at least, obviously not a rapid one. 

I am more than glad that I have so many happy memories of our time together.  And so happy that I have such wonderful loving children and family around me.

Life goes on. 



  1. I miss my mum, in the last 15 years I often chat to her in my head, my daughters chat about her, I understand your post, it's must be way harder to lose your partner.

  2. I can't imagine dealing with the grief of losing a partner. Grief never really ends but mellows with time. It is certainly OK to feel sad :)

  3. Hello,
    Your hubby will always be in your heart. I am glad you have many happy memories of the times with your hubby. It is good that you have your children and family close by. Take care, enjoy your day!

  4. Your first sentence has the words funny and grief in the same sentence, so there is perhaps a place to start. The older I get, the more I accept the simple fact that people live and people die, and beyond that there is not much more to it. The true grief I feel is that we are destroying this beautiful Earth, its forests, its grasslands, its oceans, its atmosphere. And that's not funny.

  5. I have no words of wisdom...I have not lost husband or child which I think must be the worst losses of all. But I so agree with what you have said.

  6. Oh Margaret. I can only imagine the pain of the loss. Sending a hug across the planet!

  7. I've had a very strange week this week too. I think it's after the Covid and everyone is getting back to their old normal and knowing I'll never have that normal back again.
    But as you say life goes on, some days sadder than others

  8. It cannot be easy, you were married a good long time...hopefully those memories will comfort you the times you feel sadness:)

  9. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings and sadness to us all. It has been very hard for you Margaret, but I am very proud of you for keeping yourself strong after all those trials and in the end, you have what you need the most intact, children and family and friends :)

  10. Thank you Margaret. I lost the most important person in my life nearly 9 years ago and still can't work out why it hurts so much. Life goes on and most days is 'normal', but every so often I want to share something new and exciting I have learned, or ask a question about something I should have learned while the wisdom was still available to me. The chance to simply discuss stuff and try out opinions in a safe place isn't there any more and one day you wake up and realize you are that person for someone else. I don't think I'm ready and wonder if I ever will be.

  11. Grief can be such an odd, fickle, strange, funny thing to deal with, for sure. My mama died of cancer when I was 14 (1971) and I still have moments that cause me sadness. My oldest son died at age 34 (2013) -- I deal with that one every single day. God is the One Who gives me hope for the future and continuing on. I'll be praying for you, Margaret! Blessings to you!

  12. As you say, it is not easy. My journey was different as I "lost" Max to Lewy Body Dementia and did a lot of grieving some years before he died. I was also very lucky to meet a soulmate in Doug. We both still remember our previous spouses and always will.

  13. Like you, my husband of 45 years died two years ago come September after a long illness. It has been difficult finding my way into a new life. It feels like learning to walk again after an amputation. I think that people are often embarrassed by grief - they ask how you are, and when you tell them they don’t know what to do with that information! I am grateful for small things which make each day meaningful. Blessings to you in your journey.

  14. What you're describing is exactly what I'm hearing from an old friend who was widowed 3 years ago. We live in different provinces so twice a week we call each other and just talk. I don't think a person ever "gets over" losing a dear one. As you say, one learns to live with the pain.

  15. I lost my husband of 43 years, three years ago after a brief fight with cancer. You are right, grief is fickle! Some days it feels worse now than then... I have often used the analogy of an amputation - you do recover from the initial pain, but it is a new 'normal' that is not always appreciated. Like you, I have a loving and supportive family, but I am in the middle of packing up my home to downsize and I am stunned by how emotional I am...
    Stay safe

  16. Yes, it rears up. For some, others forget.
    My Brother went to visit our Dad´s Sister 7 hours far away for her "Birthday"-party on our Dad´s passing day-date. He just had forgotten.

    I do believe you should talk/write about grief, it is part of healing.
    My Hubby is sick and ... oh, I knock on wood right now.
    Two years is nothing, two years is fresh. And considering the journey you had to take after the loss of your love...
    Yes, acceptance. But also sharing grief. Remembering.
    Yes, life goes on, but it´s OK to grief LOUDLY if you have to.
    Big hugs from here.

  17. Every word you have written is so true. Like Granny Marigold said, I don't think one ever gets over losing a loved one. Seems like the more time passes, the more I miss my mother. There are so many things I would love to share with her and lots of questions I would love to ask her. Most of all I would love to tell her how much I love and miss her. Like you said, some days are harder than others.

  18. Grieving comes in stops and starts throughout life. We forever carry our lost loved ones with us knowing they would not want us to spend our own precious moments eternally suffering.

  19. Grief is a very individual emotion and experience, isn't it? I hope your grief becomes easier to bear with each passing year. (((HUGS)))


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