Grief is a funny thing. Just when you think you have got it under control, it rears up to remind you that pain and hurt are sitting just beneath the surface.
Nobody wants to talk about grief, about the pain of losing someone you love deeply. It is like, ignore it and they will get over it. Society expects us to have an initial period of grief and then we should “pick ourselves up” and carry on like normal.
Only life is no longer normal.
It is two years now since I lost my husband of forty-five years. In the year that followed his death I lost my home, my income dropped dramatically, and I lived at six different addresses as I wandered rather aimlessly around our beautiful country.
I still struggle at times. Grief can take one unawares – a word someone says, a photo seen, a memory remembered, anything can trigger it off.
Some say time heals, others tell me they still miss their loved one years and years later. I am learning that it is okay to feel sad sometimes, to accept these emotions as normal and allow myself to feel my way through them.
We all lose people that we love – it is part of life, part of living. We never forget. Instead, we learn how to live with our pain as we learn how to live a new different kind of life.
It is not an easy journey, and, for me at least, obviously not a rapid one.
I am more than glad that I have so many happy memories of our time together. And so happy that I have such wonderful loving children and family around me.
Life goes on.