The Queen's Funeral

Like so many around the world, we watched as BBC broadcast live the funeral of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

It made for a late night – we never went to bed until 4.30am – but I am glad I was able to see this and feel like I was participating in some small way.

Margaret.

Rest in Peace

Queen Elizabeth II

1926 - 2022

A Foggy Cemetery

 

It was very foggy this morning as I made my way over to the cemetery to visit my husband’s grave.  The traffic was heavy as well, so it was prudent just to travel along slowly and not take any silly risks.  Thankfully, all the other drivers felt the same and the trip was made in safety.

It may be three years now since I was widowed, and I am finding the saying is true that “you never get over it – you just learn to live with it.”  I am so thankful that I got to spend nearly fifty years knowing my wonderful man (we were married for forty-five of them).

Memories are such precious treasures,

Margaret 😊

R.I.P. Prince Philip

 

A good part of today has been spent watching the replay of the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral in London.  It played here live in the wee hours of this morning, so I was happy that it was replayed during the day.

I think Prince Philip would have approved of his funeral service (he planned most of it himself, although it had to be scaled down because of Covid regulations).  It was simple, dignified, and honoured a man who had devoted his life to serving his Queen and country.

Only 30 people were allowed to be present at the funeral, but in a way that made it more private and family-like instead of a huge state affair with hundreds of people present.

For me, it made it more personal and I found I could sympathize more with The Queen and her family in their time of sorrow.

Losing a loved one, whatever the circumstances, is always difficult.

Margaret.

A Rough Week

 

This last week has been a bit rough. 

The mother of a friend of mine died.  It was expected, she has been ill for a long time, but I know my friend will be sad and I feel for her.

And then the 17 year old niece of a dear friend (she was also the granddaughter of another old friend) died suddenly of a brain aneurysm.  Such a tragedy when a young life is cut off so unexpectedly like this, and such a shock for all the family.

Throughout most of my adult life I have suffered from bouts of clinical depression and this week what has been building slowly over the last several months finally tipped the scales again.  So I am now back on meds, after being nearly two years without them.  I detest taking drugs, but I know they help so I take them.

We have had quite a few warm humid sticky days lately, but this coming week is meant to be dry and mostly sunny.  I am looking forward to them.

Take care,

Margaret 😊

Monday Sunshine

Sometimes it is hard to look for positives, especially when this past week seems to have been tinged with sadness.

First I remembered the passing of my husband two years ago, then an extended family member died that same evening.  His funeral will be this coming Wednesday.

Yesterday I remembered the passing of my mother ten years ago, and then in the evening son’s pet white rat, Mayo, died suddenly.

Dying is part of living, but that doesn’t make handling it any easier.  And, as I said in a post a couple of days ago, our pets become part of our family and so we grieve for them almost as much.

With so much sadness around us, it has been comforting today to welcome a calm sunny beautiful winter’s day.  The house has been well aired, there is washing drying on the line, and an Apple Crumble has been made for dessert tonight.

I have been unpacking a few more storage boxes and found all the framed family photos that used to be dotted all around the house.  Now most of them are sitting on top of my bedroom drawers and the room feels a little cluttered – time for some selective choosing so only the best are on display.

My mother loved to paint, so I will end this post with one of her paintings as a sort of memorial to her.

Keep smiling J

Margaret.

Grief Is A Funny Thing

Grief is a funny thing.  Just when you think you have got it under control, it rears up to remind you that pain and hurt are sitting just beneath the surface.

Nobody wants to talk about grief, about the pain of losing someone you love deeply.  It is like, ignore it and they will get over it.  Society expects us to have an initial period of grief and then we should “pick ourselves up” and carry on like normal.

Only life is no longer normal.

It is two years now since I lost my husband of forty-five years.  In the year that followed his death I lost my home, my income dropped dramatically, and I lived at six different addresses as I wandered rather aimlessly around our beautiful country.

I still struggle at times.  Grief can take one unawares – a word someone says, a photo seen, a memory remembered, anything can trigger it off.

Some say time heals, others tell me they still miss their loved one years and years later.  I am learning that it is okay to feel sad sometimes, to accept these emotions as normal and allow myself to feel my way through them.

We all lose people that we love – it is part of life, part of living.  We never forget.  Instead, we learn how to live with our pain as we learn how to live a new different kind of life. 

It is not an easy journey, and, for me at least, obviously not a rapid one. 

I am more than glad that I have so many happy memories of our time together.  And so happy that I have such wonderful loving children and family around me.

Life goes on. 

Margaret.

What If You Die?

Nobody likes to think about their own mortality, yet at some stage every single one of us will die.  This may sound morbid, so think of it instead as Positive Preparation.  It will give you peace of mind when you are organised, and your family will thank you later on.

Do you have an up-to-date will?  Have you recorded what your wishes are after you die (e.g., cremation, burial, organ donation)?  Do you have a preference for a certain style of funeral or a particular cemetery?  What type of end-of-life care would you prefer?  Do you want to be resuscitated?  Or kept alive on life support?  Where would you rather die?  Is the information readily available that will be needed to complete a death registration?

Each person will have different preferences, and each country will have different legal requirements.  For instance, in New Zealand if a person dies without a will (“intestate”) then it can take at least six months before their estate can be finalized.  If you die owning substantial assets then the process becomes even more complicated.

Thinking about all of this, I dragged my will out of the drawer and considered it.  It is over ten years since it was created and both of my named executors have since died.  I now have grandchildren as well.  I have written out on a page, and signed it, what my new preferences are until I can get the opportunity to have a new will legally drawn up for me.

When my husband was told that medical help could not save him, we were urged to consider creating an end-of-life document that set out what care he preferred to have in his last days.  We did this, in conjunction with our doctor, and it became an important document as he did not wish to be resuscitated and the hospital was then able to follow his instructions.  This allowed him to die with the dignity he desired, rather than undergo a futile attempt to keep him alive for a little while longer.

When it comes to registering a death a bereaved family member is usually requested to answer questions they may not know the answers to.  Having studied my family’s genealogy over the years I know that there are many death certificates with incorrect information recorded on them.

Each country will have different requirements, but usually they need to know things like when and where you were born, who your parents were, when you married, who your spouse was, what military service you participated in.  Ask around to see what information you need to have (search online or try places like a funeral home, library, Citizens Advice Bureau etc.) and then write it out and place it with your will.

Of course, apart from keeping all your documents together, your family needs to know what you have done and where it can all be found.  Tell more than one person if possible.  I have seen a family member belatedly inform his siblings of a parent’s last wishes when it was almost too late to enact them. 

None of us wish to die of Covid-19 – or anything else! – but thousands are dying every week and we should all be prepared, and I do not mean just the elderly.

Face it – death is an immutable fact of life.

Prepare for it – get your papers in order

Forget about it – go and enjoy every day of your life

Life is wonderful.  Enjoy every day, every precious moment, as much as you can.

Margaret xx